Last Friday, April 7th, I was in a spinout accident. I started to hydroplane and flipped my way to the shoulder of the highway. I was not injured and the body of my car wasn’t affected. I had to replace my wheels and tires. As it does often in April, it rained this morning. Thinking that i wasn’t going to be affected by this ‘accident’ I’d drive like I normally would. I passed the location on the highway where I spun out with no trouble, but the rest of my commute was driven with care. All the while, driving five miles under the speed limit I felt as if I was having a cartoon moment. The bad-ass devil dressed in a fitted black casual jacket and dark jeans told me “You are such a pussy and you’re letting this spinout get to you”, while the nerdy preppy angel dressed in pastels told me “This is good, you’re learning from this experience. I’m glad you’re taking it slow”

I hate the rain… I hate driving… I hate driving in the rain…

Hooray! Warm weather is here!

I decided to celebrate the good weather by donning shorts and flip-flops. So as not to appear ashen, I had to moisturize those areas of my body that business casual atire covers up.

The lotion in the medicine cabinet was empty and I had a bottle of coconut lotion in the trash. Long story short, the toiletry rack was nudged and the container of newly purchased coconut lotion fell to the floor and cracked. Wonderful, I thought, I can put this to good use. I thought I’d refill the empty bottle with the contents of the cracked bottle.

There wasn’t a Lucy and Ethel momemnt, there was not comical lotion mishap, nor a mess. As I watched the creamy, coconut scented lotion pour from one container into the other, I became inspired. I could not stop thinking of the yogurt in the refrigerator. After a half-assed moisturizing, I tore into the refrigerator like Billie Holiday did to her medicine cabinet…
Lessons learned from this:

moisturize, especially if you have a dark complexion

eat before handling coconut lotion

whipped yogurt is bullshit

To get me through the mid-morning slump, I take green tea. The matutinal ritual gets me up out of my chair to clean my mug and allows me to see the hustle and bustle of life outside my office suite. This particular day, I ran out of sweetener that I keep along with the tea bags. Searching the other drawers, I found old packets of sweetener. Excelsior!

Enjoying the brew, I noticed that there was a strange fruit quality to my tea. Was it some kind of chinese additive? It tasted of jasmine and orange when it passed over my tongue. As I exhaled I tasted some strange chinese-white-flowers essential oil and curiously frankincense. The tea was bizarre but familiar at the same time. It was like drinking from inside a ladies purse. I know there are korean confections that have a definite floral/perfumed flavor, but I wasn’t eating gum or candy, this was tea and sweetener.

At this point, I’ve started to stress and sweat over what I could possibly be consuming, so I go back to the drawer where I found the sweetener packets. I notice an empty plastic atomizer with a brown viscous stain inside. It smelled of chinese-white-flowers and frankincense… it was my travel bottle of J. Peterman 1903. Somehow the contents of the bottle permeated into the packets of sweetener. I’m drinking cologne, am I going to die, or have I stumbled upon a new food trend?

As I write this, I’m still taking sips of the tea…

It never fails, it snowed overnight here in Michigan. There wasn’t much accumulation down by lake St. Clair, but I did have to scrape ice off of my car this morning. When getting to work in Auburn Hills, there was snow on the trees and ground…