Sitting and chatting in my living room

niece #1: I heard a colonic takes a few days

me: Nah, you can knock it out in a few hours. It’s a fill and flush three times. Your sister has had one and said she felt slimmer for days.

niece #1: No shit

me: exactly

Picking up a niece at the airport

me: Sorry I was late. Are you cold?

niece #2: No, I’m fine

me: I was expecting to see you in a white pashmina and jeans

niece #2: Oh, that’s so 5 years ago

me: Please, if it were a renewable fabric or if you could turn the garment back to the manufacturer so it could be turned into another garment, it would be en vogue. Green is the new black.

niece #2: Hmm good to know

Kitchen

snuff: Hon, can you get that large bowl from the basement.

me: Why? This is your people’s holiday.

snuff: Just get it.

me: No, this is your people’s holiday (making my way to the basement door).

snuff mom: Are you going to eat with us?

me: Yes! (from the stairwell)