Last night I was at a memorial service for my godfather. Not to sound sacrilegious, but I’m numb when in church. I don’t want to admit that I’m completely agnostic, but my mind wanders when sitting in all that solemnity. If my mom catches word of this, she’d say that my distraction id due to evil forces in the world preventing me from absorbing the piety and wonders of religion. In reality, I find distorted voices, reciting old verse, booming through a large hall, interpreted to shoehorn modern-realworld situations rather taxing. If I want to draw connections to ancient allegory, I’ll read back issues of Hustler.

In order not to fall asleep, I make-believe that I have super powers and that evil super-villians and their henchmen are invading the church. I leap into action and dispatch these evildoers. Surprisingly enough, I can fantasize about this and still keep a righteous countenance.