My body is slowly exacting its revenge on me. The wonderful sensations of indulgence are now catching up with me. My hubris levels are low and I’m starting to fear that that my love of decadence will kill me. I ask my family (who work in hospitals) if they have seen [insert ailment here] in young people. Slowly moving past the age group of young, healthy, and ‘still growing’ I am now at risk for all of those scary diseases.

I dread to find a doctor. The last general practitioner I had, was the same office that my parents went to. Despite the rampant malpractice lawsuits, this office has mixed up my father’s records with mine. To my amazement, I went through a few personal questions with the med-tech before she realized that I wasn’t a 60 year old man, smoker, with a heart condition. To even further the malefaction, the internist blamed me for a heart monitor that my dad broke.

Ailing eyesight, headaches, chest pain, and general joint pain are now starting to irritate me. I now must figure out my supposedly phenominal health plan and choose a doctor…