I saw on a sunday morning news program about the declining sales of news magazines and newspapers. Citing media experts and rising paper costs, the primary reason for the drop in sales/readership is the instant gratification of the internet. I can’t help but feel personally responsible.

True, I don’t look to the newspaper for the latest news or classified ads but that doesn’t mean that I’d never pick up a newspaper. The problem is, the paper has gone flat in all senses of the word. I abandoned the Detroit newspapers after the long nineteen month long strike over ten years ago. Writers left, ads dropped out, and a new layout shrunk the paper down. After the smoke cleared, the paper lost its oomf and I turned onto the Gray Lady.

The New York Times was a wonderful newspaper. As an idealistic college student, I had time to read the paper daily. I loved fluff pieces and not necessarily news, but the interpretation of news. As I moved into adulthood, I found that I only had time and money (no more student discounts) for the Sunday paper. A weekly summary, color fashion pictures in the style section, and a magazine that delved deep into issues that I didn’t think I was interested about.

Now, I am paperless. I can no longer pay the non-teaser rates for the LA or NY Times, I can’t get behind the bipartisan Sunday Detroit newspaper, and all other papers just don’t tickle me. I feel no romance for the newspaper anymore, but I wish I had that spark. I’ll miss the rustle, the smell, the ink stained fingers and I doubt that e-paper will afford me that sensation. Lo, I will buy the paper from time to time and I will skim it. It is all that I can do to ease the guilt as it was never meant to be read, but to be used as kindling.

I have a renewed sense of anger and I wish to nurture it. I’ve been coasting on happiness for far too long and it’s time that I succumb to the dark side like an unwitting innocent of an anime who is to become the next possessed beast in the pantheon of antagonists. Hardly the beacons of sweetness and light, it has been the UAW, the Nintendo Wii, my mother, and the primary candidates of all political parties that have driven me to the dark side. As for you readers and listeners, I hope you don’t get to see me in this state so it’s best that you refrain from speaking to me about any of the aforementioned subjects.

For now; I draw smoke into my lungs, narrow my eyes at the world, and think ‘stop fucking with me… and maybe I’ll start respecting you’.