The following is a blow-by-blow account of my lunch at Le Cinq on 12 December 2009. Situated inside the Four Seasons Paris, it is led by chef Philippe Legendre formerly of Taillevent.

Le Cinq

12:34  - Starting my second Michelin star dining experience at Le Cinq.

My Place at Le Cinq

Pink Champagne

12:43  - Shrimp and squid fritters to go with my pink Champagne.

Shrimp and Squid Frites

12:46  - I’m told to try the olive oil because it comes from Tuscany. Brittany and seaweed butter are served.

12:54  - The seaweed butter is an amazing alternative to truffle butter. The amuse-bouche arrive.

Flight of amuse-bouche

12:55  - The pumpkin soup with celery foam had sea salt pop rocks on top, very amusing.

Pumpkin soup with celery foam

The scallop on blini with horseradish cream. It’s a great bite, however it doesn’t last long. Before you can enjoy the scallop or the blini, it’s gone.

Scallop blini

Seasonal vegetables, pickled. I watch another couple across the room, the man picks up the spoon and is ready to pop it into his mouth. The woman then stops him and encourages him to use utensils. I am a fat American and use the ceramic spoon as it is intended. The vegetables are so deeply marinated but not acidic, tender yet crisp.

Marinated vegetables

12:56  - New setting, seafood fork and a fish knife.

New silverware

12:59  - Razor Clams from the Galice Region

Razor Clams from the Galice Region

Razor clam with seaweed butter.  Once again that butter mixed with salty seaweed.  As I have expressed before this seaweed is like the truffle of the ocean, though instead of being the star of the plate it almost grabs the flavor of seafood and brings it to the forefront. The razor clam in the shell is a bit tough and requires some work with the fish knife. Between bouts with the cooked clam, I dip into the cold raw razor clam salad.

Razor Clams Crudo

13:04  - People are filing in, I feel a little too casual and modern with my outfit, however the lack of ties in the room makes it feel comfortable.

13:06  - New setup, fork and fish knife. My frites and frites fork have been taken away, shame I didn’t use it, but Americans eat with our hands. I see an older couple still tucking into the frites. The older gentleman picks with his fingers, the lady shrewdly hovers over the frite with her fork as if casting a spell to choose the right one.

13:08  - Fall Mushrooms in Slightly Bitter Raisin Marinade, Crackers with Eggplant Fondue.

Eggplant Fondue (click for video)

The fondue is served in a stemless martini glass, with dry ice in the chilling bowl.  I’m assured that it’s non-toxic, I pretend that I’m amazed by the fog. (see video)

I begin with the mushrooms.  Full of texture, juicy and satisfying. Each bite, you swing between fig, mushroom, walnut, currant, then serrano ham. I would have like a little more acidity or salt because somewhere along the line too much water got into the dish.

Fall Mushrooms in Raisin Marinade (click to zoom)

13:14  - Mushrooms and figs and oh the horror, I drip on the tablecloth. The mushroom plate is taken away and the waiter brings cracker forth.

Cracker with eggplant mousse

I snap the cracker into three portions, in between the dollops of the eggplant. The flavors here are reminiscent of the mushrooms. The crunch of the cracker is followed by a smooth and brightly tangly eggplant, the fig doesn’t bring any flavor but the seed pockets bring a nice grainy texture.

I am surprised by the eggplant fondue. It’s more of like a eggplant and chestnut remoulade.  The shavings of raw artichoke are surprisingly savory and thick. If I close my eyes, I can imagine the artichoke shavings are white truffle.

13:20  - A French family of four sitting near me. The son (early 20s) is allowed to remove his jacket! I’m shocked to see he’s in jeans.

13:23  - A place mat is set down to cover up my stain and to be replaced if I stain again.

Placemat covers all

13:24  - Fresh Duck Foie Gras From The Landes Region, Roasted with Citrus Fruit, Louise Bonne Pear, Gingerbread Crumble.

Fresh Duck Foie Gras From The Landes Region, Roasted with Citrus Fruit, Louise Bonne Pear, Gingerbread Crumble

The entire plate smells of Christmas because of the roasted pear. I’m intrigued by the jelly pink thing on the side. If there were a yellow swirly of sauce, it would be a Joan Miró painting. I am excited and my heart is racing. I pick up the sharp knife to slice into the foie gras, but encounter the gingersnap underneath. I understand that if gingersnap wasn’t here there would be an messy pool of juices on the plate, but this is one tough cookie. The first few bites of foie gras without the gingersnap are heavenly. I try the foie gras with the gingersnap, but I find it best to be eaten with the pear.

I assume the pink block is a grapefruit gelée, but to my surprise, there’s a supreme of grapefruit in a pink jelly. It is not as refreshing as I need it to be, but that just speaks to the quality of the foie gras.

Duck Foie Gras

13:35  - To go with my hare, Chateau D’Aiguille 2005 as suggested by the sommelier.

13:41  - To my right there’s a quartette of French ladies toasting with pink champagne… one of them has a fake Chanel purse.

13:45  - The older French couple (the old woman with the frites fork) slow, frail, showing every bit of their age (late 80s?) ponder their glasses of wine as they await their next course. I wish for their longevity, grace, and style. I wonder if they are hard working folk or a come from old money. This meal is a splurge, on anyone’s budget.

13:47  - Wild Hare Shoulder From The Beauce Region, Stewed with Grey Shallots, Quince Preserve, Chanterelle Mushroom Ravioli

Wild Hare Shoulder From The Beauce Region, Stewed with Grey Shallots, Quince Preserve, Chanterelle Mushroom Ravioli

This plate feels fancy and crude at the same time. I braise stuff all the time and it would look like this if I had the time to make individual plates. The allure of this dish is the difficulty to procure the meat. I don’t think that the hare is impressive and I can only praise it for the fond de veau in the sauce. Poking around the plate led to the nice surprise of chanterelle mushrooms and the cube of quince pieces was fun to eat.

Chanterelles

Overall, I’m saddened by the plate.

14:00  - New napkin, and the promise of dessert

14:12  - Guanaja Chocolate Iced Crisp, Café Liégeois

Guanaja Chocolate Iced Crisp, Café Liégeois

The Café Liégeois is fun with the “Le Cinq” button on top. The cappuccino foam is a single mass floating atop coffee granité, so one has to spoon it with great care… or shoot it in one gulp.

Café Liégeois

The crisp is an amazing tower of textures. I knock out the bonbons of ice cream inside the tuile. The chocolate is murky and bitter, a dastardly delicious tease for anyone who loves dark chocolate. The coffee ice cream is so light and tastes of fresh milk, I dare say it’s more of a gelato. Despite the gilded coffee bean and the gold leaf, the ice cream stole the show.

Guanaja Chocolate Iced Crisp

The vanilla mousse, chocolate mousse, and the crème anglaise were unctuously thick and punctuated by the crunchy almond cookie. I can’t stop grinning while eating this dessert.

14:23  - I have a sneaking suspicion that I have another dessert coming.

14:26  - The Italians ordered the shoulder of lamb, it’s being served table-side… showy eurotrash bastards.

Italians served the leg of lamb

14:30  - Their subtle way of kicking me out or spending more money, the dessert cart arrives.

Desserts cart

14:31  - I choose the nougat (I forgot the French word for it, and I say Turrón) and the rose guimauve (marshmallow).

Nougat & Rose Guimauve

14:35  - A very pretty server sets a beautiful blue goblet in front of me and explains that the Watwiller water she is pouring comes from a spring in western France. Due to its neutral properties and lack of minerals, it’s good for digestion.

Watwiller water

14:40  - I ask for the bill.

14:47  - I finish and walk out, but forget that I have a box of complimentary caramels at my table.

14:48  - I run back into the dining room and the maître d’hôtel picks the box off of the table, hands it to me, and pats me on the back with a great smile. I cannot help but shrink at their unfailing deportment.

15 rue Lamennais, 75008 Paris

The following is a blow-by-blow account of my lunch at Taillevent on 11 December 2009.  I arrived at 12:30, greeted by no less than five people, and whisked off to my corner banquette in the Lamennais Dining Room.

Charger & Glasses

Upon sitting I’m asked if I would like a glass of the 2000 Dom Pérignon or the Taillevent Champagne.  Seeing that I could get Dom Pérignon anywhere in the world, I opt for the Taillevent Champagne.

As the head waiter finishes setting down the champagne, another waiter presents me with a plate of cheese puffs, and encourages me to eat them with my fingers.  After taking one, he set the plate on the table.

Taillevent champagne and cheese puffs

The menu and wine list arrive.  I make my selections and request wine to only go with the duck. I sit and savor my cheese puffs and champagne.

12:47  - Royale raifort et mousse au saumon

Royale raifort et mousse au saumon

Salmon and horseradish mousse
Perfect, the radish matched the horseradish royale and the salmon mousse was an impossibly light foam

12:51  - Rémoulade de tourteau à l’aneth, sauce fleurette citronée

Rémoulade de tourteau à l'aneth sauce fleurette citronée

Crab rémoulade with a whipped citron sauce. Dill sauce.  Consistent flake in crab, almost off-putting thinking that crab is handled so much. The white sauce was an eye-opening blend of citron.  Dragging in the dill dots on the edge provided a spark of herbal flavor.

1306  - Looking around the room, I spy the sea urchin royale which is served in sea urchin cups and topped with the roe settled on rock salt discs.

1314  - Langoustines Royales

Langoustines Royales

Langoustine tail with roe (below) and tarragon sauce (above). Chutney is a little too sweet, and herbs are a nice respite. The crust enhances the lobster flavor, almost like eating prawn chips along with prawn. Technically intriguing, since the crust is rolled and striped like the layers of a croissant.

If there is a reason to fault them for not staying a three star Michelin restaurant, I think it would be dishes like these. Though it is flawless, the harmony wasn’t there.

Note: Wine waiter number two, who fills my wine glass, uses English. Im sure they are all trained to pick up on the preferred language of the tables.

Wine waiter

13:24  - Epeautre en Risoto Grenouille aux girolles

Epeautre en Risoto Grenouille Aux girolles

Spelt risoto with frog legs.  The frogs legs are grilled to perfection and douched with butter. The fond de veau underneath it all ties the dish together and makes it sexy.  Two deboned muscles were thrown in and the crisp garlic chip could have been thicker.

13:29  - I think the super cute waiter noticed I picked up a frog leg with my fingers and brought a finger bowl and bone plate.

Finger bowl

13:34  - Fuck! A fish knife!

Fish knife

13:42  - Rouget, Tapenade & Citron Aux saveurs méditerranénnes

Rouget, Tapenade & Citron Aux saveurs méditerranénnes

Red snapper with artichoke. There’s a squared off block of artichoke purée underneath the artichokes. The fish is moist and the skin is delicately crisp. The jus on the plate has yet to speak to me.

13:50  - I’m obsessing over the spot of tasteless jus I dropped on the tablecloth… mortified.

13:54  - A 2001 burgundy is been served. So guess the duck is up next.  The wine was already opened and sitting on the service table. I didn’t see if it was served to someone else.

Verre de Vornay

13:58  - I have to say now… I have to fault the Swede next to me for tucking his napkin into his shirt. It’s almost as bad as my spill on the linen. As I type this, I see red wine drips on the tablecloth from the main waiter who served me the wine.

14:00  - As I wait for the duck, I see several desserts being served.

14:00  - Ooh, and a cheese course.

14:01  - I forgot to mention, when I placed my order I was asked how I like my duck. I asked for medium rare.

14:02  - Uh oh.. I felt a shirt button shift

14:04  - I’m seeing something served table side. Something with a pastry crust and being portioned into three perfect plates, each person getting the same exact  meal.

I see a wine stain or sea urchin stain next to the woman at the table in front of me. The crummier (ramasse-miettes) who looks like Mo Rocca, seemed unfazed.

14:09  - Canard de Challans Rotie Aux Epices - Aux cerise et à la verveine

Canard de Challans Rotie Aux Epices Aux cerise et à la verveine

Roast duck with fruits of the season.

Yeah, the wine is perfect! I think there was something lost in translation because my duck is overcooked.

Canard de Challans Rotie Aux Epices Aux cerise et à la verveine

The fruits are on a purée of pumpkin. I can’t tell if the warm, yet still crunchy ball is quince OR pear.  There was a poached soft grape.

14:21  - Across the room I see the four frenchmen receive their rare duck. I’m jealous.

14:23  - Knowing that this was the star of the meal, I’m now really sad.

14:25  - Ossau Iraty Pain brûlé et piment d’Espelette

Ossau Iraty Pain brûlé et piment d'Espelette

Soft white basque region cheese with a confiture of cherries.  The circle of pepper is a beautiful presentation. If there were any doubt of the mixture of sweet and savory, I would suggest this dish.  The arugula is an exceptional compliment.

14:27  - The swedes have been served the same cheese course.

14:29  - I see a wheel of soft cheese with an ashen rind served with a great smile.

14:31  - The head waiter for this room is putting his arm into it, but making it look like he’s enjoying it.

Head waiter & the four frenchmen

More cheeses from the board are being served

14:33  - At this point, A 1000€ bill wouldn’t shock me… this meal is so luxe.

14:36  - All plates cleared.

14:37  - The cheese board is taken away. My salt and pepper have been cleared.

14:38  - The waiter who looks like Mo Rocca clears the crumbs off the table next to me onto a plate. Mo then gets another plate to collect my crumbs.

14:41  - The rich foursome of French men get rowdy. I’m sure the young handsome one complained about the amount of bread consumed by the party, because the oldest one throws a piece of bread at himhim.  The piece of bread was then smeared with cheese and the young handsome man stuffs it into his mouth and chews with his mouth open, as asks for more bread.

14:42  - More silverware

14:43  - The table that sat right after me have finished their meal.

14:44  - The table in front of me paid their meal in less than a minute. They leave, with petit fours on the table.

14:45  - The table is cleared and looks as if nobody ate there, save for the spot left by the woman earlier. The linens must be replaced  between lunch and dinner.

14:48  - Listening to the swedes complaining about how American airport security ruined it for the world… go fuck youself. Clearly they have never been on an Israeli airline.

14:49  - Fraicheur Mandarine et Palet au Chocolat

Both are served, but the custard is set directly in front of me.

Fraicheur Mandarine

The citrus custard has an almondine foam. The fresh blood oranges are a surprise because I thought the red layer was raspberry.

Fraicheur Mandarine - Layers

The custard mousse at the bottom is whipped and porous, I guess this is a good style choice since the horseradish royale in the beginning was a thick smooth custard.

14:54  - The custard is finished and taken away, Mo Rocca sets the chocolate cake in front of me and I notice the caramel sauce is in the shape of a C – clef or the Japanese sound “u” or ooh.

Palet au chocolat Caraïbe

The sugar lace is so dark, which echos the deep richness of the chocolate. The sandy almond cookie is clearly just a vehicle for the mousse.

Palet au chocolat Caraïbe

14:59  - Only by eating the crumbs, I realize the butteriness of the almost cookie. It’s a shame that it had to bow down to the mousse.

15:00 Now to the petite fours

Petit Fours

The butter cookie, just melted. I wonder how much of that was really flour or crushed nuts

15:02.  - I’m kissing the overflow at the seams of the macaron, it is filled with a delightful banana cream. I’m  trying to delay the inevitable.

15:03  - The macaron is slight chewy and the sweetness exploded. Within chewing three times, it melts into nothing. I sip some water and it’s such a clean finish.

15:02  - I think this is a pistachio cream tart. I overturn it so the cream hits my tongue. I can’t describe the flavor. There’s a sweet milk and a melon-like flavor, and before I can analyze it further… it’s gone.

15:07  - The mousse tart, I’m wondering if it’s hiding something. On second thought, maybe the silver is the flourish here and it’s just a standard chocolate tarte.  The base is a bit tacky…

15:08  - Dark and coffee flavored. I’m glad I didn’t get a coffee, it would have been lost.

15:09  - The chocolate. I’m guessing it’s a plain piece of chocolate. Standard and perfect.

15:10  - The shine is beautiful, I wonder if it’s waxy.

Petit Fours: Chocolate

It’s a thin outer coating and a smooth milky ganache inside

15:11  - No, it wasn’t waxy

15:12  - I purposefully drink my water so that someone fills my glass. As I write this line someone has already filled it and left the table

15:14  - I imagine that’s what running a marathon is like.

15:16  - I whisper “l’addition” and Mo Rocca hears me as if said it through a bullhorn.

15:17  - The bill is presented on a silver tray but Mo is looking for the room’s head waiter. He’s clearly busy cajoling the four annoying french men.

L'addition

15:21  - I’d like to be let out of my table.

A rather subversive product crossed our threshold and it’s struck a discordant tone. We are now in possession of a local(ish) product, a bottle of cranberry “wine”, hailing from a town known for its olde thyme charm rather than its winemaking. Snuff, who is a staunch red wine drinker and who once in nostalgic appreciation gazed upon a bottle of “Uncle Ernie’s, hillbilly strawberry wine” in our farmhouse, will not give it a chance. I however set my reservations aside and took a willing flute of it last night.

The cranberry wine has a beautiful jewel-toned which is a contrast to its tartness. Like all fruit wines, sugar is added for the fermentation processes but because of the cranberry’s lack of natural sugar the vintner is forced to over-compensate. The end result is a slightly boozy cranberry cocktail at twice the price. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead bringing this to a party, I can see its place in the world. In somewhat forced camp appreciation I can hear guests saying “wow, this is a step up from Boone’s Farm”.

My affections for cranberry wine lay further than the low-brow irony. I see the bottle in my refrigerator a part of our local economy and dare say it’s artisanal. Fruit wines get a bad rap because there are major producers out there who make alcohol out of the byproducts of cheese making [ pdf doc link ] or fruit flavored malt liquor. There is a tradition of fruit wines in the old country, but it’s grown out of fashion because it’s not marketable. So long as there are Germans making fun of German Hillbillen drinking Landwein, French Hommebillies drinking Vin du Pays, and Snuff poking fun at “Uncle Ernie’s (God rest him) Hillbilly wine” there will be no respect for cranberry wine.

There’s an odd satisfaction or sense of fulfillment that I get from opening the door. My adopted lebanese grandmother – God rest her – had worry beads (سبحة) and she was able to massage all of her unwanted juju into the surface of agate beads. I’ve come to the realization that the refrigerator door handle is the husky boy’s worry beads. I don’t have to eat, I don’t have to cook, I just grab the door handle;  when it feels right… food.

Start with some kind of meat, the cheaper the better – about the size of your fist for a large pot. We have noticed over the years that fresh beef ribs, tail, spine, hooves, tongue; don’t compare to pork trotters, which seem to be in constant supply at a very low price. Boil the meat with a few pepper corns and bay leaves. Once the the meat is tender and a broth is set – throw in soaked black eyed peas, boil again.

One can appreciate the simplicity of this method – it is 90% done.

Magic time, some of the black eyed peas disintegrate, some stay whole, and the broth goes starchy and everything picks up the flavor of meat. At this stage one could throw in:

- hot sauce and vinegar
- julienne strips of bitter melon and bitter melon leaves
- spinach
- rice and roast pork
- field peas, black beans, or red kidney beans

Today it’s ham hocks and spinach, rice on the side. Happy New Year!

True, I have not made one macaroni and cheese the same way twice but they’ve all turned out to be general successes. Unfortunately, no matter who I serve it to, it never seems to be quite right; I will never live up to the one person that served them their best mac and cheese. Save for my friend whose adoptive mother was notorious for making “macaroni and milk”, everyone who comes up to my table has the paragon of macaroni and cheese deeply embedded into their psyche. It is not so much the technique, but there are certain memories locked in with that perfect mac and cheese that I don’t seem to stock in my pantry.

Elbow, shells, fusilli, baked, stove top, roux-based, boil, boil and absorption, soft noodle, firm noodle, broth based, milk only, cream only, sour cream, no crust, crumb crust, cracker crust, cheese crust, one cheese, three cheese, white cheese, soufflé, black pepper, white pepper, fresh herb, dried herb, no spice, dried mustard, with vegetables, with meat, with meat and vegetables, full fat, low fat, no fat, soul free, soul crushing, crushed garlic, crushed ice, ice cold, cold heart, heart broken, heart ache, head ache, head trauma, traumatic childhood…

At the moment, I’m imagining eating butter yellow pattypan squash. I can feel the satisfying slice into the quartered bite with my incisors. Breaching the waxy skin and delving into the dense sponge of its flesh, pushing the cleaved morsels to back to front with my tongue to experience the whole thing over again. Simply sauteed with butter, salt, and white pepper I get excited; eating something so vital, so sunny, so humble. If I’m lucky, I’ll find small squash, the size of a cherry tomatoes – roast them whole in Spanish olive oil and topped with coarse salt along side a finely roasted chicken.

The crisp skins of both chicken and vegetables giving way to the juicy flesh in an orally scintillating, synestheticically sexual feeling.

Hungry… pattypan squash

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pattypan_squash

While Snuffy buttered his rye toast, I pounded ginger, garlic, and
salt. As he crunched, I fired up the aromatics in a bit of vegetable
oil, browning them a bit, then added the cold rice. Not offering to
share my precious fried rice, he walked away as I mashed big clumps
of rice so that each grain was fried and covered with the flavored oil.

With a well seasoned pan one doesn’t have to worry about rice
sticking, so I let the bottom crisp up and slightly char which gives
the whole dish texture. Fluffy seasoned rice, with crispy bits of
garlic and ginger, and shards of crispy rice. If made properly,
while serving up this rice you can hear the crispy bits pinging
against the bowl.

I finish by topping the whole thing off with a sunny side up egg —
this is Asia’s answer to soft boiled eggs and toast points.

I’m not Chinese and Snuffy keeps reminding me of this fact, ok I’ll admit to that but I’ll happily commodify a culture so long as it recommends me to eat sticky sweet foods. The lovely thing about Asian sweets is… they’re aren’t too sweet. They are all lovely and subtle and don’t leave you in a coma.

sweet sticky sesame balls

egg custard tarts

steamed sponge cake